Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
