Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
