I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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