Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and she was petting her beer can
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
