Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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