you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
