i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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