The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
