do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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