do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
