I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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