i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
