The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
