He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
