the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
