It's Friday. Sex?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
