So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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