i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
