Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We left the knife in your bed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
