if you like me you must not know who I am
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
