Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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