my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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