I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
