He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
