I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
