Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
