so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
