I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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