My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
