Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just had sex on a roof
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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