When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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