guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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