I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
