hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
