and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
