I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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