So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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