woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
