i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
