so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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