How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
