Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
