I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
