All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
