It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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