cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
