Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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