JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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