How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
