No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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